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single moment
Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
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2006.07.31 18.56
i pray...
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for open-mindedness when i try something new that you've never attempted
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for more time in the day to finish up my work yet still have a life.
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for patience not to strangle my kids to death when they misbehave behave like the devil incarnated.
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for strength not to smile when my kids pout and gimme puppy-dog eyes when asking for my forgiveness
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for elasticity (of my veins) so that they don't pull or burst outta my neck when i start raising my voice at them
some days it feels i've lost my way. some days it's all i ever wanted.
Mood:  stressed
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2006.07.25 19.48
www.friendster.com
this world seems even further away now that our adult selves have taken over.
no more irresponsibilities of taking stupid photos during class, oblivious to the rest of the class including the lecturer. no more dramatic gestures and facial expressions and getting the pall mall just right so it looks like the medi is resting on a huge ass pack of sticks. no more automatic run-ins at the mussollah or the "schema". no more lamenting of silly spitting lecturers and over dramatic ones.
no more 3 mats, a minah and a mat-jan wannabe.
the one missing from this pix is decha. but then again, we both meet each other often so the above lament doesn't count for him. come on rest of u. where the heck are you people? even during graduation we were too busy with our own lives that we barely had time to catch up much less take goofy photos.
bleargh. can we turn back time? i wanna be a kid again.
Mood:  nostalgic
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2006.07.08 17.23
saturday night fever
i think i'm getting the flu.
Life has pretty much been on highs and lows these past few days. Busy yet bored out of my skull. Social life is coming to a halt since i'm too tired to go out with psychedelico, even to a 7-eleven 2 blocks down. In fact, i'd rather starve on the bed than get up for a meal. And yet, the irony is i've been putting on the pounds.
Teaching has been fantastic and i am falling in love with my class even though i've pulled one too many veins in my necks shouting at 'em to hand up their work and setlle down. Some even stare blankly at me as they have absolutely no idea what i'm talking about. (International students lah - they often turn to their friends and ask "Lao shi suo se mo? )
I know it sounds bad, but i have a favourite kid and he's not even in my form class. I meet him twice a week for a period of P1 CME and he is such a doll. He smiles his cute lil' smile and never fails to ask how's my day. Last Thursday made him my fav kid in a heartbeat.
I was on my way to Drama when I see him holding his you-know-what and shouting at his friend, "Cepatlah!" I had to stop and ask what was wrong and he answered in that small cute lil' voice that he wants to go to the loo but his friend wants to go to the one on the same level and he wants to go to the one downstairs. Curious, I had to ask why. "Toilet tu ada hantu.... (There's a ghost in that toilet)" Haha. I persuaded him that there wasn't and he slipped his hand into mine and throughout the way to the loo, he was telling me how his brother saw a ghost etc etc while his friend was going "Takde lah...! (Don't have lah!)"
When we did reach the toilet, he opened the door wide open and looked expectantly at me to come in. "Cikgu girl! Takleh masuk toilet laki... (Teacher girl, cannot go boy's toilet)" "Alah... please?" "Tak boleh... (Cannot...)""Cikgu tunggu pat luar ok? Jangan pergi dulu k? (You wait outside k> Don't go anywhere)" and he proceeded to take a dustbin to put in between the door so that the door won't close fully on him. In less than 2 min, he burst open the door and screamed, "Yeah! Cikgu tak gi mana mana! (Yeah, Teacher didn't go anywhere!)" His eyes went double big and he had such a huge grin on his face. "Dah cuci tangan belum? (Have you washed your hands?)" "Ooops!" [he did the whole hand over his head and the whole mouth forming a huge O that i couldn't help smile at] and rushed off to wash his hands.
I tell you, if all my kids were that adorable, I would stay in school all day.
Mood:  giddy
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2006.07.02 12.41
let me say that it is horrible. no... INHUMAN to ask me to come back to school on a sunday. i'm depressed. now i have less quality time than ever with mah brader. this sucks. ain't school supposed to be a 5-day week?
Mood:  indescribable
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2006.07.02 04.52
wtf
brazil lost. this is too depressing. world cup no longer has meaning...
Mood:  depressed
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2006.07.02 02.35
aaaargh-entina
life's full of ups and downs.
i kinda predicted that Argentina would not win the World Cup because i felt they played their best game with a fantastic 6-0 win against S&M. But to lose it to Germany in a clearly bias game was too unfair.
the injury that caused the game
Sure the coach played the wrong cards. Why not bring Messi? Aimar? Saviola? They would have been critical in the penalty shootout. Heck they might even have scored a goal in the extra time.
Well... let's just say Argentina's not Brazil. It never crossed his mind that a good defense might have been a great offense who'd keep the ball over on the other side, far from their own. Through some panic and short-term thinking, he tried to put up a best defense to help out his obviously weaker substitute keeper. Too bad it wasn't good enough.
stupid mofo of a referee
But he shouldn't have to shoulder full blame. The referee, who was slightly fair in the beginning of the game, leaned so far towards Germany as the match went on, he could turn back time and kiss Hitler's butt. A clear penalty for Argentina turned into a yellow card for them instead. A hurt Argentinian player was left on the field while the game played on and to make matters worse, he wouldn't even allow medical help. When a German player falls however, the man not only stops the game, he talks to the guy even thought the hurt Argentinian player was still on his back a few meters away.
I swear... the amount of times he blew the whistle just shows he didn't have a great childhood. Must have not had whistles back in his hometown.
I wouldn't be so bitter if the Argentines lost in a fair game - kinda how England lost today's match (both Portugal and England put up a good game). It would be great if the coach and referee played a better game. I would have loved to catch an Argentina vs Brazil showdown for the Cup. But unfortunately it was not meant to be. 24 hours after the match and i still feel cheated.
*Pictures courtesy of Fifaworldcup.com and www.ole.clarin.com
Mood:  discontent
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2006.06.15 14.43
money's not my honey
money is such a pain in the ass. people can't seem to understand that i don't have enough. i feel like quitting. so they'll get off my back. too many tears shed over cash. too sad. too sad.
Mood: depressed
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2006.06.13 23.33
u the man
thank you. for being you. for staying by my side when others leave. for being the only one who understands me when others give me the stare. for making me laugh through my tears. for holding me tight when i feel like the dirtiest person inside and out. for listening to my rant when you really wanna sleep. for sharing the cost when i don't have enough. for holding my hand when i feel lost. for seeing the good side when all i see is the bad. for tolerating my quirks and emotional baggage that comes with being me. for the philosophical thoughts when i feel smart. for the silly kiddy ones when i am not. for carrying my stuff when i am tired. for carrying my stuff when i am not *grins*. for chilling, being friendly and chatty with my friends you don't even know. for making my friends impressed. for taking my side when i'm complaining. for taking the opposition when i wanna argue. for saying sorry even though i'm at fault. for saying never mind when i am. for picking me up everyday. for having plans to support my degree. for loving my family. for loving me.
there's not a perfect man in the world. but dammit, you come very very very close.
Mood:  loved
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2006.06.09 00.43
kental schmental
donna lewis and richard marx's - at the begining is superbly calming. i don't care if it's kental. my guilty pleasure.
Mood:  calm
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2006.06.08 22.59
Past few months i got this email from this shpping lifestyle e-mag thingy that offered me some free stuff in exchange of going all Big Brother on me. At first i ignored it but the emails kept coming in regularly and it did have good stuff amidst the cute lil articles. and the stuff they offered were AMAZING. so what was the big deal? They'd know where i live anyway. after all the amt of stuff they are giving away could buy them the postwoman who sends me the mail who would give them my address.
so i clicked that link. i think the first one was this make-up kit or perfume. something girly like that. (It's a shopping magazine. whatcha expect? X-men?!) for a couple of weeks I typed in my real name complete with the binte and my daddy's name which took abt 15 seconds more and waited for my free stuff to emerge. lo and behold... did i get my package? nope.
so i lost hope in the e-mag and the free stuff they offered, chalking it up as propaganda and junk mail they had to send me cos i put my mailbox to lock all the stupid junk out anyway. then one day, i was bored and i clicked on the link to getting a free slimming trial at XXX (slimming center protected to avoid me being sued). i figured i'd just try my luck and try out if they would reject me if i used another name... plus i was lazy to type out my whole name anyway. I keyed in my nickname to a couple of free offers, sat back and waited for something to happen.
what a surprise when they called me telling me that i was offered that limited slimming free trial everyone was talking about. oh wow. u serious? then i checked my mailbox and an envelope filled with laurier pad (unused of course!) was sitting there - mailed to uziela of course. [they didn't have good offers at that time...and i'm a whispers gal all the way]
you reject a siti but u say yes to a uzy?? wohoho. so i did set an appointment for the slimming trial. i was feeling fat especially from the good food at the chalet. after i took a few minutes trying to figure out where the hell the office was, i walked into a room that seemed less then welcoming. the woman at the desk was looking at me wondering if i had missed the floor to cuckoo land or something. so i gave her my name and told her i was expected for a free trial. she checked my name 3 times (once was not enough), passed me two brochures and told me to sit down. then she proceeded to talk to 4 other gals behind the desk about me, staring at me throughout the whole time i was sitting there. Like i'm some sort of rare specimen.
the woman was quite uppity for a while until i pulled my fake slang and big words to throw her off her game. then she quoted me a price which threw me off MY game. She must have mistaken me for a relative of TT Durai cos i don't have close to 10K of disposable cash on me. Even if you did gimme a 25% off i still don't have that type of money. even after hearing me laugh at the amount of money she still pushed me into going for the whole package and i swear i saw a smirk when i said i didn't have the dough before she finally gave me that free trial i was promised.
and you know what. they didn't even see me off after i was done with the whole wrap thingy. after freezing me as a mummy, i was handed a hot towel and told to leave. and yes... i did snoop. i was the only colour in the whole place. maybe that's why i threw off their game. they never saw a brown gal come in before. i probably clashed with their furniture and machines. hah!
i hate feeling like this. especially when i know quite a number of very nice people of various skin tones. sheesh. racism should end. period.
Mood:  aggravated
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2006.06.07 14.44
comical suicides.
suicide number 1
This started when Pychedelico was new in his potential career choice. He was sleeping in his bunk when the shrills of the alarm woke him up. PL 111 PL 111 blah blah blah It's a suicide case. Thrilled for some excitement aside from washing oil off the roads, he jumped off his bed, put on his bunker gear (i think) and swirled down the pole singapore style.
The engine ngee-oh-ed ngee-oh-ed to the scene. Adrenaline was pumping and excitement was seen on everyone's faces. Will we be able to save him? Are we on time? Will his brains be splattered all over the floor with blood creeping into the concrete floor? Oooh brutal.com!
The engine nearly reaches. He spots a tiny man on a tiny railing from afar. That must be him! We are still on time! The engine goes faster and when they were about a carpark away the ol man looks up finally taking note of the kecoh-ness he has caused. He straightens his body and prepares to jump.
Suddenly everything went slow motion, he holds himself steady using the railing with his legs on the ledge. He lets go of one hand from the railing. His voice goes all low as he tries to threaten the police to go away or he'll jump. The civil defence officers who had arrived earlier are inching towrds him... Suddenly amidst the thrusting of his arms in protest, he slips!
He quickly grabs the railing with the other hand and screams for help! Mr Suicide Case has turned Mr Pitiful-Save-Me! Such a disappointment end to a wonderful case.
suicide number 2
yesterday, a call has been made. MAN ATTEMPTING SUICIDE AT ESPLANADE RIVER. Wow! Big case. Eveyone runs to the engine. Surely this is a big case. What if the currents were rough? Would his head be smashed by the rocks? Would all we find a bloated man floating about?
There he was, sitting at the edge of a bridge, staring at the waves. Upon seeing the blue uniformed guys headed their way , he jumped. Once again, time went slow motion. His legs were kicking out as he flung himself into the water. 8 5-0s just stood there looking along with the rest of the crew. We can't save him in time... Pychedelico's shoulders start moving up and down... in laughter.
There the mid-ol man sat in the middle of a low tide amidst rocks clutching his leg with disbelief in his failed suicide attempt. The water did not even cover his upper body much less drown him. "MACAM MADU TIGA!" The crew laughed even harder. As they took him out of the water, Psychedelico just had to ask "Pek, asal tak tunggu high tide? Baru cukup air..." Transalation:"Why never wait for high tide? At least you'd have enough water."
And these are the tales of failed suicide attempts that seem too funny to be true. Be back for more tales of the stupid.
Mood: amused
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2006.05.30 21.50
politics - it's everywhere
be careful of the sweetest looking things. they are always the ones most capable of stabbing you in the back.
barely a week since school started and the office politics is rearing its ugly head. what's worse is that it ain't the old versus the new. in fact the ol' ones have been amazingly smiley and nice. it's the new versus the new if you get my drift. "why can't we be friends?" go through my head everytime i hear one spit fire about the other. one's a busy bee while another a social butterfly. i don't wanna be involved in the drama. aren't we supposed to be holding hands and supporting each other's asses through it all?
my new school has been an amazing trip so far with very very friendly staff and non-staff. i like it that they reply with a smile when u greet them in the morning. They've even included a big desk, hot red bean buns, crispy noodles and tons of food and most importantly COFFEE during long meetings, making me one happy camper. :)
1st week of hols have however been burnt by meetings, courses and make-up supplementary lessons. they sure make you work for your happiness. if i dare quote millions of non-creative typical primary school compositions, i come home everyday "...tired but happy". heh heh.
now if those two will stop bickering like pre-schoolers...
Mood:  tired but happy
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2006.05.26 19.33
i'm tired. a week is over NOT over.
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2006.05.25 21.52
brain drain.
Americans really take the cake for making stupid choices. First Bush now Taylor? Taylor over Katherine? Chris voted off from final three? My gosh. He's definitely entertaining when he performs - the drunken master of performing. but recording/radio airplay/cd-listening wise... well let's say don't think much business headed your way. funny in the not-so-funny way.
school has been pretty amazing. sleepless nights have been totally uncalled for. now body's asking for payback by making me sleep by 10pm. i'm now broke and it hurts cos i reeeeeealy wanna watch xmenIII. maaaaaan. i hate not having excess cash. chalet's going pretty swell [haha. can't believe i used 'swell'(!)] even though budget is small cos ppl are not putting in the cash. kalo tak cukup food it's your fault ok? i'm tired. wanna sleeep. zzzz.
Mood: sleepy
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2006.05.21 17.26
imsoniac
i have slept a total of 4-6 hours in the last 4 days. my eyebags are carrying extra baggage and i don't even have the energy to eat. I've been dragging myself to walk about and my smiles are quite limited. I've not slept since 10 am last night so that 32 hours of non-sleep straight. not even an hour in between. I'm shaking and i feel vulnerable. i'm scared shitless at the prospect of starting work. my shoulders are feeling heavy from the responsibilty of overseeing about 40 kids future. My spirit is broken from the fear of not being able to fulfill my dream of tossing that coveted square cap and moving that silly but oh so important string from one side to the other. i want that. and no. i never did go through kindergarten so i never did it when i was young. it's been a dream since i was 6 years old. blame educational TV. now i forsee a life so packed with work and $$$ that i'll never be able to achieve that by 25. Cash is too tight at home to even consider a further education.
An NTU gal called me to ask if i'm donating to the school to continue the TRADITION started last year. (HELLO! the word tradition should only be used if this donation thingy started way further that a year sgo. Uni students somemore. sigh... ) *must not make my students as dumb as these ppl*
school's tomoro and i'm freaking out.
Mood:  imsomniac
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2006.05.17 16.12
sex trade
lecture today turned much tolerable since i armed myself with a book and chatty company.
I've finally rekindled my love for books. yes, the woman who has not been seen anywhere WITHOUT a book in her hands had actually lost it for a while. there was not enough time to watch reruns after reruns of gilmore girls and yet ironically it was the show that showed me back to the glorious path of reading.
now that i have my nose back in a book, the world has turned a much more happening place {even though i'm immersed in a reality far from my own.) Currently reading:
"Professional domination is physically clean in
that the client doesn't get to leave his fingerprints
all over your body. But he leaves his fingerprints
all over your soul. "
- Ernest Greene
I actually made a whole list of books to read. it's still incomplete but hopefully i would either rent, buy, borrow or steal my current reading list before i add new ones. the prospects of such a thing happening is not very high though.
Book List
1. The Iliad - Homer
2. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
3. Autumn in New York
4. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
5. Emma - Jane Austen
6. Charles Bukowski: Locked in the Arms of a Crazy Life
7. On the Road - Jack Kerouac
8. To Kill A Mockingbird
9. Erections, Ejaculations, Exhibitions and General Tales of Ordinary Madness - Charles Bukowski
10. Absalom, Absalom! - William Faulkner
11. The Robber Bridegroom - Eudora Welty
12. The Bridges of Madison County - Robert James Waller
13. The Easter Parade - Richard Yates
14. The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
15. Jewel - Bret Lott
16. Hotel Honolulu - Paul Theoreux
17. Pandering - Heidi Fleiss
18. Savage Beauty - Nancy Milford
19. The City and the Pillar - Gore Vidal
20. The Flowers - Jean Genet
oh i have loads more but for now anyone who has one of these books and willing to part with it for a while or better yet forever (for a pretty low price of course), there is this thing called the comments just after this post right below. please click on it and tell me that you are willing to share such wonders with me cos the libraries are sadly understocked. thank you.
Mood:  dorky
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2006.05.16 21.39
i just wanna go home.
3 hours never seemed that long. I swear i could feel my nails growing and my hair greying sitting through the lecture I had today. Longest three hours in my life.
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2006.05.15 16.36
random quiz.
| You Are Midnight | 
You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits.
Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle.
Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it.
You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends. |
| You Are a Visionary Soul | 
You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.
You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.
Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul |
| Your Theme Song is Back in Black by AC/DC | 
"Back in black, I hit the sack,
I've been too long, I'm glad to be back"
Things sometimes get really crazy for you, and sometimes you have to get away from all the chaos.
But each time you stage your comeback, it's even better than the last! |
| You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish |
You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be. |
| You Have a Melancholic Temperament | 
Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.
You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.
You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.
Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.
You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.
Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.
At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.
You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.
You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult. |
| You Should Be an Actor | 
You have a flair for the dramatic, and you probably already do a lot of acting in your day to day life, just to entertain yourself.
No need to steal the spotlight from your friends... You'll get plenty of attention once you start acting professionally! |
Mood: contemplative
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2006.05.14 02.08
now that posting's out, i can confidently reply to the 1001 people who've been asking me what school i'm posted to. TECK GHEE PRIMARY here i come. I have to admit that i am quite disappointed that i wasn't posted back to YCKPS cause i have grown accustomed and was starting to feel the whole school spirit thing. but i guess what's meant to be is meant to be.
I had no idea where TECK GHEE Primary was so I double and triple checked the street directory and did a lil exploring before the liverpool match. It's a 30 min bus ride from my place to AMK MRT and another 5-10 min walk to the school. 6 months of vigorous walking and i'd lose 20% body fat balls... maybe that WAS the purpose i was sent there. My incessant complaining of wanting to lose weight and yet not doing anything about it has been heard by a higher power or at least by MOE. tunggulah korang... model-like figure coming soon *ahem*
Sometimes i wonder if it's bad being friends with all guys growing up. I've never been a girl-ish girl my whole life due to growing up the only girl in an all guy environment - 7 male cousins do that to me. I've never been into the whole barbie thing and end up trading my fluffy dresses for pants very early in the game. Transformers is very much preferred over My Lil Pony and i never heard of strawberry shortcake. Dolls bought by my persistent mother were left to collect dust while i play MAGIC trading cards, toy soldiers and playstation with my neighbour's son. Never knew makeup till late in the game and skirts till even later. Pasal matair ako sanggup berubah...
So forgive me if i haven't learnt to tell the fine line between being a flirt and being a friend. Thing is I'm at a disadvantage cos I'm one of the guys yet I'm still a girl. So attributes noted as okay for guys suddenly turn acts of flirting for me. Sigh, I'm kinda sick and tired actually of hearing not so subtle hints that you think i'm interested in Yomeishu (identity has been changed into a drink for protection). I'm much closer to Naruto but since he's Chinese so there was never such a comparison. Sedih seh.
To any girl who has been jealous or wary of my existence because of my friendship with your guy, I'm happy to think that you'd actually consider me competition but believe me when i say you have nothing to worry about. So you can stop with the killer stares and cold shoulders. I'm trying to be your acquaintance so you won't worry so don't try to be my enemy. I'm not out to get your guy cause i have an absolutely wonderful one by my side. Lucky for me, he has very tolerant of my quirks including this.
Mood:  pensive
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2006.05.14 01.31
one word: superb
an hour after the game and still the adrenalin is running through my veins.
The Liverpool-West Ham final match was THAT superb. From an own goal from Carragher to a penalty save from Reina, it was nail-biting and jaw-dropping all the way. I would leave the details to the papers and better commentators - amoy, su and elfian. Man, i need cable or at least a more accesible kopitiam with tv screenings of soccer matches than sembawang. Travel time and cab fare however was worth it after such a fantastic match.
I lup u lah Gerrard. Kaulah harapan.
Mood:  ecstatic
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mungkin_nanti's journal
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